Monday, December 14, 2009


With the Festival of Lights occupying much of this past weekend, some necessary errands and chores fell by the wayside. Amid all the the latkes and dreidels and presents, not to mention appearing at three birthday parties, we neglected other things.

So in an attempt to earn points in the "Father / Husband of the Year" standings, I declared, "I'll stop by Walmart after work." I went in with the following list:
  1. Holiday-themed napkins
  2. baking soda
  3. printer ink
  4. hand soap (foam)
  5. turkey
  6. stamps
But as soon as you enter the store, it is impossible to remain focused. Right away, I was overcome with the smell of McDonald's french fries. Trying to bear in mind that I was simply making a stop on the way home to grill steak and salmon, I turned left into the masses.

Crowds left, crowds right, screaming children dead ahead. Bobbing and weaving, I headed first to electronics for the printer ink. I found a locked case, so I caught the attention of the cashier / keymaster, and he hooked me up with an HP 21 - black. Leaving electronics, I stopped and paid homage to a monstrous display of tri-flavored-popcorn tins ... some were decorated with polar bears, some with Santa, and some with the logo "Miller Lite."

(I'm no expert, but one of those things just does not belong.)

I found the "baking center" - but there was no baking soda. I soon learned that the "baking center" and "baking aisle" are different, and a few steps later, I found my Arm & Hammer.

As I was walking the store, I posted to Facebook "what can't you find in Walmart?"

There were many answers - some inappropriate. The most occurring answer was "alcohol," which begs the question to blog followers in other municipalities - "Can you get alcohol in Walmart?" Inquiring minds want to know. One Facebook friend pointed out "Where else can you get guns and lingerie?"

Good question.

I was unable to find stamps. I then wondered if I could open up a chain of stores near Walmart stores that sold things unavailable at Walmart.

I'm adding to my list of alcohol and stamps ... feedback welcome.

In other news:

Lilly was showered with gifts on Hanukkah's opening weekend. We feel very lucky to have family and friends who are so generous.

The Ravens beat up on the Lions yesterday. While the Ravens sit at 7-6, one cannot help but think that if they had won two or three of the six losses (Minnesota, Cincy #1 and Indy come to mind), we'd be sitting pretty. But at least the team is playing meaningful games in December, and if they win out (Chicago at home, at Pittsburgh, at Oakland), the playoffs may happen.

I need to mention my Orioles ... adding Kevin Millwood was a good move. Just as I have great trust in Ozzie Newsome, I think Andy MacPhail knows what he's doing. He needs to find a corner infielder with some power, a backup catcher, and a closer.

Maybe he'll look at Walmart.