Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Quick Blog Update

I intended to post on Monday about football, the snow and all things Xmas Break related, but illness befell the blogger.

When the crippling headaches and body-rattling coughs subside, I'll catch up.


Monday, December 14, 2009


With the Festival of Lights occupying much of this past weekend, some necessary errands and chores fell by the wayside. Amid all the the latkes and dreidels and presents, not to mention appearing at three birthday parties, we neglected other things.

So in an attempt to earn points in the "Father / Husband of the Year" standings, I declared, "I'll stop by Walmart after work." I went in with the following list:
  1. Holiday-themed napkins
  2. baking soda
  3. printer ink
  4. hand soap (foam)
  5. turkey
  6. stamps
But as soon as you enter the store, it is impossible to remain focused. Right away, I was overcome with the smell of McDonald's french fries. Trying to bear in mind that I was simply making a stop on the way home to grill steak and salmon, I turned left into the masses.

Crowds left, crowds right, screaming children dead ahead. Bobbing and weaving, I headed first to electronics for the printer ink. I found a locked case, so I caught the attention of the cashier / keymaster, and he hooked me up with an HP 21 - black. Leaving electronics, I stopped and paid homage to a monstrous display of tri-flavored-popcorn tins ... some were decorated with polar bears, some with Santa, and some with the logo "Miller Lite."

(I'm no expert, but one of those things just does not belong.)

I found the "baking center" - but there was no baking soda. I soon learned that the "baking center" and "baking aisle" are different, and a few steps later, I found my Arm & Hammer.

As I was walking the store, I posted to Facebook "what can't you find in Walmart?"

There were many answers - some inappropriate. The most occurring answer was "alcohol," which begs the question to blog followers in other municipalities - "Can you get alcohol in Walmart?" Inquiring minds want to know. One Facebook friend pointed out "Where else can you get guns and lingerie?"

Good question.

I was unable to find stamps. I then wondered if I could open up a chain of stores near Walmart stores that sold things unavailable at Walmart.

I'm adding to my list of alcohol and stamps ... feedback welcome.

In other news:

Lilly was showered with gifts on Hanukkah's opening weekend. We feel very lucky to have family and friends who are so generous.

The Ravens beat up on the Lions yesterday. While the Ravens sit at 7-6, one cannot help but think that if they had won two or three of the six losses (Minnesota, Cincy #1 and Indy come to mind), we'd be sitting pretty. But at least the team is playing meaningful games in December, and if they win out (Chicago at home, at Pittsburgh, at Oakland), the playoffs may happen.

I need to mention my Orioles ... adding Kevin Millwood was a good move. Just as I have great trust in Ozzie Newsome, I think Andy MacPhail knows what he's doing. He needs to find a corner infielder with some power, a backup catcher, and a closer.

Maybe he'll look at Walmart.

Monday, December 7, 2009


Am I being a whiner when I say that the Ravens game tonite will end SO late ... ?


But they "control their own destiny" ... what does that really mean exactly? For football, it means "the Ravens can win all of their remaining games and make the playoffs without needing another team to lose." In life ... well ... that's a bit more complex?

I can barely control the weedwacker when I mow and manicure the area known as my lawn. I surely cannot control my wife or daughter. How the heck am I supposed to control a destiny?

On to other matters ...

I appreciate the phone calls I received this weekend about my car crash ... WHICH DID NOT HAPPEN! I posted on Facebook that the parking lot at the Y was a mess - Xmas trees in one corner, lots of cars pulling in for a hoop tourney, and snow. The quote was something like "perfect recipe for a fender bender."

Who posts a car wreck on Facebook? Seriously. Not me ... yet. But since you all are such literal readers, I'll slip in a few devilish posts to see if I can get a rise out of you.

For example:

Marty wonders where he can get bail money.

Marty is looking for brochures for 5-year-old-girl boarding schools.

Marty wonders what a bottle of Rogaine costs.

Feel free to call with your concerns.


Ravens win 24-16

I get a text asking "When can I wire the bail money?"

I get an email with a link to a school in Guam.

By the way, a funny hair story: Once upon a time, my dad took me to see a hair transplant doctor. We went inside the waiting room. We met the doctor. I learned that he was a former urologist.

We left.